Gross Engineers employee Duane La Chance suffered third-degree burns while installing new pipes on the roof of the Springfield Municipal Power Plant.
The 55-year old pipe fitter was electrocuted when he accidently touched a power line, he is listed in serious condition in the intensive care unit of Springfield Hospital.
Immediate 1
Gross Engineers pipe fitter Duane La Chance lies in critical condition at Springfield Hospital after suffering third degree burns by accidently touching a power line carrying 15,00 volts.
Delayed 2
Two cars collided today on the U.S. 63, just one-tenth a mile north of Blue Ridge Road.
James W. Cunning, 20, and Wayne Clay, 19-years old were involved in the accident after Clay crossed the center line sticking Cunning's vehicle.
Immediate 2
A serious car accident occured today on the U.S. 63 near Blue Ridge Road, both parties suffered minor injuries and are in satisfactory condition at Springfield Hospital.
1 comment:
Please review examples of immediate and delayed identification leads on p. 44 in text.
1a) You've included his name in the opening sentence, so this isn't a delayed ID lead. Also, don't start the lead with his company -- that's not very attention-getting. Just describe him as a pipe fitter then get to the point. Don't use the word "electrocuted" -- that would mean he'd died.
1b) Being hospitalized isn't news, but nearly getting electrocuted is. So start there. (Besides, as a reader, I'm not going to be interested in his condition until I know about his injury.)
2a) This is not a delayed ID lead because the first sentence doesn't mention any people, only cars. Focus on the injured person -- that's what makes this car accident newsworthy.
2b) Not an immediate ID lead -- the people are not named.
5/10 (-1 late) = 4/10
Please revise and repost.
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